Thank You to the Toxic Man in My Life
A letter to the man that stole my life from me.
(Note : This article contains some spicy language and reference to a personality disorder.)
I went back to him 7 times over a 4 year span.
My heart kept pulling me back as he’d promise things would be different this time. But every time my gut screamed “RUN!”
I ignored my gut instincts until 4 months ago.
Yes. I’m Angry. But Using That Emotion for Good
What changed this time? I’m completely broke.
No job. No savings. No investments. And about $1000 in my checking account.
This time he ultimately got what he wanted - all my stuff. And then he tossed me away. I guess I was no longer needed since I was depleted of anything he could gain monetarily.
At this point you may be wondering “Why don’t you get your stuff from him? Why won’t you get law enforcement or an attorney to help you out?” Because he’s a very toxic man I need out of my life. He can have the stuff, the fight isn’t worth it.
You see, he’s very narcissistic*. If you’ve ever dealt with someone with the traits of this personality disorder there is no way out of the relationship unless you have what is called “no contact”. They must be cut off and to never contact the person again in order for the victim to heal and move on with their life.
Rebuilding My Life at 52 Years Old
I’ve decided to make the best of my situation.
Since I have next to nothing I’ve been staying with my mom and her husband. This has given me the chance to breathe. They put no pressure on me to leave and know I need to rebuild.
I’ve been able to heal mentally from the shit he put me through. And they protect me, he’s not allowed here on their property yet has shown up - twice. The third time law enforcement will be called.
After the isolating and mental manipulation he placed on me it feels amazing to have support on my side again.
Since I’m able to breath I’ve started to rebuild my financial security. I found a job, I’m working contract work as well as building online businesses.
I’m fully aware this can take years to make my comeback but I’ve vowed to myself to never let anyone manipulate me into believing my psychological and financial futures are not necessary.
But before I move on I have something I need to release…
What I’d Tell the A-Hole Narcissist If I Could
Thank you to the lying, gaslighting, manipulative, stealing, lazy man that dropped me off at my mom’s home. You have given me the biggest gift anyone could give to another, the realization of how strong I can be.
I’m rebuilding my life better than it’s ever been. I know all too well the mistakes I made and WILL NEVER DO THEM AGAIN. Thank you for the invaluable lessons I learned from you.
Now go f*ck yourself. (Sorry, it feels good to write that since I’ve had no contact with him to tell him.)
Thank you for reading
Substack is where I express my personal thoughts on living through my middle years. I also create at Allie Rambles blog and YouTube channel where I go into more factual details involved in how I got here.
Complimentary content to this article
Blog Post My Pivot : Reinventing My Life at 52
YouTube video Midlife REBOOT : Reinventing My Life at 52 Years Old
*This is not a diagnosis but an observation of his behaviors based on hours and hours of researched I’ve conducted.